Helping Just One

Thinking over events of the past few months I realized there was one thing that would have made everything easier. A person that knew the system, someone that could have given us resources without me having to hunt them down. Someone that was there for just us.

That might sound selfish but it is honestly what we needed. The Ombudsman is great. But the Ombudsman is one person to many soldiers. I am thinking of a one on one person. The military does not have the manpower/time/money for such an option.

As I am starting to help to help another soldier facing what we faced I realized how nice it would be if each soldier could have a PTSD sponsor. One person helping them. One person that knew the system, that's been there. It doesn't have to be someone that knows everything, just someone that understands the maze of the mental health system and that has compassion for others.

My idea, and believe me it's an idea in the initial stages, is that a sponsor will only help one soldier at a time. 
Sponsor needs to be very familiar with the mental health system and military procedure. 
Sponsor is not to discuss their soldiers personal details with anyone. 
Sponsor should be able to attend appointments with soldier when requested.
Sponsor needs to be available by phone or by text if the soldier needs assistance. 
Sponsors will meet weekly in an online private room to discuss any issues they might need help with. Sponsors can reach out to each other in between meetings if there is an urgent issue they need help with. 

Those are the beginning ideas. 

Recently at a visit with a Family Life Chaplain he told me this story:


The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 
Approaching the boy, he asked, What are you doing?
The youth replied, Throwing starfish back into the ocean. 
The surf is up and the tide is going out.  If I don't throw them back, they'll die.
Son, the man said, don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? 
You can't make a difference!
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man, he said,
I made a difference for that one.

It rang so true to what I want to do. I can't save them all. Neither can you. But if we each take one, it will matter to that one we help. 

I will be working on a short application process for both sponsors and soldiers seeking help. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor or are a soldier in need of help please email me. 

I will set up an online meeting with sponsors as soon as I have a few to work with. 

To keep up to date follow us on Facebook. 

Please speak up. You could save someone's life.

I am guilty of it. Many people are. We see someone that is down and we turn the other way because we don't know what to say or do. Or worse, we don't want to deal with someone else's problem. 

Whenever I read through this list with the knowledge I have today, but didn't have a year ago, my stomach heaves. I almost lost my husband because I did not know the signs. How, at my age, could I not know? Well, partially because I was showing signs too. Not to the degree he was but enough that I didn't know what was going on. 

Since this started I have asked myself over and over again why the Chain of Command or his peers didn't see it. Doesn't the Army train all soldiers in what to do, what to look for? 

How could it have gotten to the point of suicide with the only intervention being that a soldier gets punished for having these 'signs?' 

I suspect because it's too hard to go up to a soldier that is supposed to be strong and say "Is something wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" 

The soldier may or may not open up. But at least they would know someone noticed them and cared enough to speak up. 

My husband used a phrase the other day to describe who he is. Persona non grata. I didn't know what it meant. Here is the definition: referring to someone as persona non grata is to say that he or she is ostracized. Such a person is for all intents and purposes culturally shunned, so as to be figuratively nonexistent.

He is nonexistent. At least that is how he feels. It is how the Army makes him feel. 

I think it's too easy in the Army to turn our heads and ignore the signs. That has to change from the lowest rank to the highest. From health care providers to civilians. 

Here is the list I was referring to:

Learn to Recognize the Signs

Many Veterans may not show any signs of intent to harm themselves before doing so, but some actions can be a sign that a Veteran needs help. Veterans in crisis may show behaviors that indicate a risk of harming themselves.

Veterans who are considering suicide often show signs of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and/or hopelessness, such as:

• Appearing sad or depressed most of the time
• Clinical depression: deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating that doesn’t go away or continues to get worse
• Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep
• Neglecting personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance
• Withdrawing from friends, family, and society, or sleeping all the time
• Losing interest in hobbies, work, school, or other things one used to care about
• Frequent and dramatic mood changes
• Expressing feelings of excessive guilt or shame
• Feelings of failure or decreased performance
• Feeling that life is not worth living, having no sense of purpose in life
• Talking about feeling trapped like there is no way out of a situation
• Having feelings of desperation, and saying that there’s no solution to their problems

Their behavior may be dramatically different from their normal behavior, or they may appear to be actively contemplating or preparing for a suicidal act through behaviors such as:

• Performing poorly at work or school
• Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking
• Showing violent behavior such as punching holes in walls, getting into fights or self-destructive violence. Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge
• Looking as though one has a death wish, tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving fast or running red lights
• Giving away prized possessions
• Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, and/or making out a will
• Seeking access to firearms, pills, or other means of harming oneself

http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/SignsOfCrisis/Identifying.aspx